On Patience

Fill in the blank.

You know you've lost your patience when____.

1. You start counting to 10.

2. You start praying along the lines of: "Dear Lord, help me not to knock (insert name) from here into next week."

3. You start slamming doors and dishes.

4. You start looking around for anything you can get your hands on to throw/strike with.

5. You can finish this sentence: "If one more person touches me/asks me for anything, so help me God, I will ________."

6. You suddenly feel a connection with those moms you've seen on the news.

7. You find that you're somewhere in your home hiding.

8. You're mumbling something under your breath about not being afraid to go to jail.

9. You got everyone scared to move because you're irritated when others engage in any of the following:

1. Relaxation.

2. Laughter.

3. Leaving the premises.

Your immediate responses/thoughts to these actions are:

*with a crazed look in your eye*

"What are you doing? (pause) Nothing. Exactly."

"What are you laughing at? (pause) Ain't. Nothin'. Funny."

"Oh? Where you going? (pause) If anybody needs to go somewhere, its me!"

10. You have sudden thoughts of yourself with a new name, lying on a beach somewhere wearing dark sunglasses and a wig.