Big Sister, Little Sister

Just as I suspected, Bella is quite the little nurturer. She comes in my room often to check on the baby and asks me if she can "keep and eye" on her.

One night, she took the baby doll that my mom bought for Halle and covered it up under a blanket next to Halle. Bella was proud of her work.

Bella was made sure that both Halle and her baby doll were comfortable. If you look closely, you will see that she even added a "special touch" by using one of my breast pads as a pillow for the baby doll.
Bella even wanted to nurse Halle. I explained that I had that part under control;)

Creatively Blessing

There's not much that can compare to the love felt when friends and family go out of their way to bless you during these initial postpartum weeks.

Amidst the bits and pieces of both bliss and chaos that usually surround the postpartum season, we our are so thankful to have been blessed with delicious soups, lasagna, sweets, phone calls, visits, and gifts for the baby. I think that my appreciation for these things grow as our family grows. Moreover, seasons like this one, when I am on the "receiving" end, cause me to think of more ways I can be a blessing to others in the future when I have the opportunity to be on the "giving" end.

There are so many ways in which people can be a blessing to each other. Even when our own resources seem limited, I think it helps to think creatively. Jenn, a blogger and mother of 3 writes;

"...I believe in living creatively. Even if you can't draw a straight line. Can you make a warm and comfortable home? Can you fix an engine? Bake a pie? Write a poem? Living creatively is living in harmony with God's creative spirit. God is the Creator and we were created in His image. We weren't meant to sit uselessly and be entertained. We weren't made to always receive. We were made to move, to love, to work, to serve..."

-Jenn @ Spejory

Lord, give me the creativity, strength, and resources to be a blessing to others in a way causes them to feel your love and care.

Adventures in Postpartum Life

Halle has been with us now for 5 days and I have had a fairly predictable schedule to attend to. It generally repeats this cycle of activity:

Nurse baby.

Change baby.

Eat.

Drink.

Go to bathroom.

Nurse baby.

Sleep.

Nurse baby...and on and on...so forth and so forth...

In between this general cycle of activity I am:

• Letting our children take turns "holding" the baby.
• Frantically repeating "Don't touch her face! Don't touch her face!", while they do so.
• Becoming smitten by my newborn as I gaze into her dark brown eyes. I am convinced that when I smile at her, she smiles back. Oh, You think its just gas, huh? Well...just let me have it. Okay?
• Watching hubby run around the house cooking, cleaning, training, and tending to all of our needs and thinking to myself; "Man! That's alot of work!" "No wonder I'm always exhausted!" "He should really take a load off and get some rest. Poor guy."
• Navigating my way through engorgement. You'd think after 3 babies, I'd have this part figured out. Not so much.
• Appreciating my husband and feeling both blessed and overwhelmed that God has entrusted these 4 little people to us.
• Daydreaming of a trip to Target and Starbucks. Hubby and I agree I am not ready to venture out, just yet. But, to soothe my longing for a caffe mocha, he went out and bought me box of hot chocolate and some whip cream. I know. He's quite a guy. Its these simple acts of kindness that keep me entangled in his web of love.

Here is a picture of all my girls. Obviously, Halle is still trying to figure out who we are.

Note to Postpartum Self

Remember my Note to Pregnant Self? Well, I followed the advice given in that note (to some extent;). Still, while I didn't follow all of the advice fully, I definitely did better this pregnancy than I did during the last.

Now, with 14 days until my due date, I figured I'd need a note to my postpartum self.

Dear postpartum LaSandra:

Now, hear me good. I know you feel like your life has spun out of control. I know you are in pain, tired, and don't know what day it is. I know you feel fat and can't see how you will ever lose weight. I know you are laughing one minute and sobbing the next. I know you can't remember why you had these kids and are not so sure you want anymore in the future. But, listen: this really is normal! It will pass! You just had a baby! It will take time for you to heal and to get back in the groove of life, but that day will come! Until then, relax and enjoy your baby!

Remember that you always feel this way. You always feel lonely, and behind, and out of control. You always feel frustrated because even if you have some help, no one is going to take care of things the way "you would" if you could. But, you can't! So, let whosoever is willing to help, help and don't worry about if its not "your way." This especially goes for hubby. He has his own way, let him do it that way and be at peace!

As for your children, I know it seems like they have forgotten everything you have taught them in terms of behavior, but they haven't. They are just taking advantage of the present "chaos" and acting up a bit. Don't let this stress you out! Correct them when you can, let hubby discipline them, stay prayerful. Years of training will not unravel in few weeks. Really.

Finally, keep praying, keep some praise music on, and take care of you and the helpless infant. Remember that warm showers always help you during this time. Take 2 or 3 of them a day if you have to! Don't worry about your appearance, hubby will make sure you get all the beauty treatments and pampering you need before you come back out to civilization, he always does.

Sleep when the baby sleeps. As a matter of fact, sleep whenever you get a chance! Prioritize. Make little list to help you remember what is going on. Do what is most important and enjoy your new addition to the family. Sit and wonder at the fact that God saw fit to add her to your family for such a time as this. How exciting!

p.s. Because I know you need this to be reiterated: DO NOT OBSESS OVER YOUR WEIGHT! Do not beat yourself up over your weight! You cannot lose all the weight you gained during this pregnancy in a month! You will only injure and malnourish yourself trying. But, you will lose it! God always helps you and he will do it again! Be patient! Keep the faith!

With much love, compassion, and wisdom that comes from experience,

-LaSandra, mother of 3

If you wrote a letter to your postpartum self, what would it say?

Note To Pregnant Self

Dear Pregnant LaSandra,

Postpartum LaSandra here. Now listen up, just because you are pregnant does not, I repeat DOES NOT give you the right to eat whatever you want! I know you are nauseous, and tired, and hungry and feeling a little sorry for yourself right now, but STOP THE MADNESS! Put down the full-fat muffins. Put down the mocha frappuccinos with whip cream! You only need about 300 extra calories a day! That looks like 1 cup of non-fat yogurt and a medium apple. NOT a extra value meal from McDonald's! I'm being firm with you now, because I know "how you do." 

Oh, and don't stop exercising either. A daily low-medium impact workout is NOT going to kill you just because you are with child! This is only a test and you have to pass it this time. Stop telling yourself, "I'll just work it off after I have the baby." You don't have to put it all on! 

I KNOW its hard and you are not in your right mind right now, but don't let yourself go. You don't want to have to be mortified in the dressing room when you go to try on clothes after you finally have this baby. You don't want to have to regret not eating right and exercising during pregnancy again. You can do this! PUSH yourself! This is for your own benefit! You will thank me later. 

With all the passion, fervor, and zeal I have within me,

~Postpartum LaSandra

If you could write a note to your pregnant self, what would you say?

Lying In: The 6-Week Rule

My husband and I have been members of our local church for almost eight years. Now, if you know anything about our church, you know there are two things we have plenty of: weddings and babies! Its just the "norm." Sometimes we are "teased" about this by others who are affiliated with our church, but it is true. If you came for a visit, the baby abundance is one thing that would not go unnoticed!

With this, there is also an understood "rule" embedded in the culture of our church for new mothers: The 6-week Rule. Everyone knows that it is "taboo" for a mother who has just had a baby to return to church before she is 6-weeks postpartum. It is said that if you do come back before that time "the mothers" will have much to say in disapproval of your decision. Some new moms have been known to "sneak out" and come a service or return to church early. But, trust me, when one does, there is "talk" over it.

I found out just how serious people are about the rule after having my first daughter. Hubby attempted to take me out to a concert when I was about five weeks postpartum and before we could even get in the door, we were spotted by a friend's mom who believes very strongly inthe 6 week rule. She saw us, stopped us at the door, and turned us right around. When my husband even looked like he was about to protest, her eyes got big and she looked at him and said, "Do you want your wife to have a setback?...uh uh...no...goodbye!" Yes, we knew we were grown, but we felt like two kids caught red-handed by their mama. We knew we weren't going to win that battle, so we hung our heads in shame and got back in the car.

We younger mothers also occasionally give the new mom who "violates" the 6-week rule a hard time, but its all in good fun. Most of us find the whole thing rather amusing, because we don't understand it anyway. We think, "Hey, I've been to the doctor, the grocery store, the mall, the hairdresser and everywhere else! So, why can't I come back to church?!" Most moms have usually had to, after a week or two, return to cooking, cleaning, vacuuming, and taking care of older children, as if they haven't just given birth. Needless to say, the idea that you can't come back to church for church culture's sake, seems a bit odd.

Since having Noah, I have done some digging online and found that "the mothers" at my church did not just come up with this 6-week rule for kicks after all! In her book, Natural Health After Birth, Aviva Jill Romm explains that lying in is a term used to refer to the... "time after birth, which is reserved for the mother to rest and recuperate..." In other countries such as, Europe, Central an South America, and Africa, lying in is the part of cultural tradition(p.39). Usually, the new mother's own mom comes to stay for 4 to 6 weeks in order to help the her daughter with breastfeeding, cleaning, cooking, and with older children, so she can recuperate and bond with her new baby.

Up until the 1920's, when hospital birth became more popular, lying in was also a rich tradition in American culture. "Childbirth was a woman's event and the women invited the help of friends and neighbors, and the entire community would pitch in, not only to help with the birth, but to help with the postpartum care." Again, a suitable lying in time was between 6 and 8 weeks, after which the woman would invite..."all of the women who had helped during the birth and the lying-in period, and they would have really a women's festival, and there's been nothing like it ever since"(Romm, 39).

I was enlightened after reading this, realizing that it is also part of our local church culture that when a mother is home for that 6-week period, members of the church usually call or come over her house to help. However, I think that alot of what it was originally meant to be has been lost in recent generations, just as it has for American culture in general. Many young women now have mothers who have busy work schedules and/or who didn't breastfeed themselves. New moms are often expected to just "bounce back" and return to work at 6 or 8 weeks postpartum.

Noah will be 4 weeks old tomorrow, and I haven't been anywhere except the to the doctor (and to Target, of course;) Nevertheless, having a better understanding of why I'm lying in has caused me to really appreciate this time and to actually try to take it easy as much as possible. I am enjoying being able to bond with my new baby, without the stress of having to return to the normal hustle and bustle. It seems to me that being nurtured by other women during this time would also help most women cope with Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression. I know it was especially helpful for me during the first two weeks postpartum when mood wings are very common. In essence, although there may be some practical challenges to creating a traditional lying in experience for our generation, I think that "the mothers" are right to push for the preservation of it as much as possible.

Almost Reunited!

I have a confession. During the first weeks after delivery, I almost take as much pleasure in watching my swollen extremities shrink as I do in watching my newborn develop. This pregnancy was the first one in which I had to remove my wedding bands. My hands were swollen during the other pregnancies; however, I opted to continue wearing my rings until they were so big I could not longer take them off. This time I developed a rash under the rings so they had to go.

I was very self conscious when it came to removing my bands, seeing as it is the most recognizable symbol of marital commitment and fidelity in our culture. But, hubby convinced me that it was better to be mistaken for an unwed mother than to continue to allow a skin rash to spread and take over my hand. I guessed he was right, so I eventually relinquished.

I've longed for the day when I would be reunited with my precious bands, and it looks like I'm almost there! I can get the wedding band on all the way, but I'm still off on the engagement band. Take a look. What do you think? Maybe another few weeks and they will both fit?

How to Make a Rice Sock

Hubby made two rice socks for me a couple of days before I delivered. They were a great help in soothing my back pain during pregnancy and in labor. They have also been helpful in softening the breast during this time of engorgement. Natural, easy, and inexpensive pain relief: It's the way to go!


How to Make a Rice Sock

1. Get a clean cotton sock and fill it with uncooked rice. You can heat white rice, brown rice, barley, flax seed, etc. Don't pack it in tightly, leave some room for the grains to move around so that it will more easily conform to the area to be treated.

2. Use a thick athletic type sock, so grain will not stick through. Tie the open end of the sock with yarn, ribbon or string.

3. Put the filled sock in a microwave oven for approximately 1-3 minutes (or to chill the sock, put it in a freezer for about 45 minutes).

4. Shake the rice/grain sock to evenly distribute the heated or chilled rice.

5. Apply the sock to the desired body part.

6. To use for physical therapy, just create a smaller rice sock and knead it slowly and gently with the affected hand. As time passes and the hand gets stronger, knead harder.

Postpartum Pillow Talk

4 days in with a 3 year old, a 1 year old, a newborn, a sore mama, and a tired daddy. Morning pillow talk goes like this:

Hubby: "You're a good mom" (after he kisses me on the cheek).

Me: "Thanks. You're a good dad" (my eyes are still closed).

Hubby: "We're good parents. We ain't got it all right. But, we ain't got it all wrong either."

I love how he so eloquently keeps me encouraged:)