What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men

"We talk about a man needing respect and affirmation. Probably the most powerful way you affirm your husband and show respect to him is when you respond to him sexually.

I've said to Mary Ann; "You can affirm me all day long. You can say: 'You're smart. You're handsome. How did you do that? That's great!' and at night if I say, So you interested? and she goes 'Eh, not tonight.' I go: Then why were you lying to me all day?!"

This is a small excerpt from The Power of Respect, which is part 3 of Bob Lepine's message: What Husbands Wish Their Wives Knew About Men.

This was so good I had to email it to all of my married friends! You can hear and/or purchase the entire message here.

Tricia's Story

If you know me personally, or if you have been hanging around this blog for any length of time, you might know I have what most would consider some pretty radical thoughts when it comes to family planning, or the lack thereof.

Perhaps I will use a future post to explain my own ideas and how I arrived at those conclusions. However, today I want to share what I have found to be a very inspiring story from my very first guest blogger, Tricia.

Tricia is a mom to 12 blessings and was so kind to grant my request that she share her reasons for allowing the Lord to control her family size as well as her experiences with motherhood as a result of that decision. I hope her story blesses you as much as it blessed me!

Tricia's Story



What exactly would motivate someone to have a dozen children? And what on earth would motivate someone to have even more if that were the Lord's will? The answer: I don't know!! It is true that I have 12 kids, and would love more but to put a direct answer on it is difficult to do. It all began so long ago~at least it seems long ago!

I married the guy I dated in high school. Let me tell you, he came from a very odd family. I thought so anyway, he had what seemed to me a million brothers and sisters! Only 9 though to be exact. Why is it that when you see a family of more than 4 or so kids it seems like a million?

So we got married and started our own family. What was really weird though is that HIS family was not finished having children. His mother and I began a journey together of having children. We had our first, in laws their 10th, me my second, and in laws their 11th. I remember thinking, boy howdy, what did I get myself into!

Well, we continued to have children; not at the time because we felt led by the Lord, (Although that was exactly what was happening) but because it just felt right. To me as a woman, and to my husband as a man. After all, the Lord did say to multiply and replenish the earth.

But what keeps one going through the pregnancies, the morning sickness, the mounds of dirty diapers, the empty pocketbook and so on? Doing the will of the Lord is what keeps you going. Not just in birthing babies but in everything. I remember so many times my in-laws telling us: "We don't know how we did it, the Lord just blessed us with each baby we had." I like the word "multiplied" because indeed that is what the Lord does when we serve Him and keep His commandments.


But what about all the Quiverfull talk nowadays? The~"Let the Lord Plan Your Family" talk? Does that apply to my decision? Yes, and no. Like I said, in the beginning it just felt like I was doing what a woman was created to do and it felt so natural and right that we kept going. After baby number 7 though I got a bit, um, wearied if you will. Suddenly, I felt much like a baby making machine and less of a mother. We prayed, fasted, even looked into BC methods. (I can't even say those words!) Obviously we never began using anything because while I was wearied I/we knew in our hearts it was not for us.

Looking back I see I was trying to keep up with the Jones' and having 7 children kept getting in the way. I wanted a perfect house, always clean, fashionable, organized, etc. and I wanted to "hide" all the evidence of children so my house too could look "IN."

Well, it was that time the Lord got hold of our hearts. And let me tell you, He has a sense of humor, a wonderful sense of humor although I didn't think so then. It wasn't long until we learned of baby number 8 one the way. Fast forward about 6 months and we find it isn't only baby number 8 on the way but baby 9 too!! The sense of humor I'm talking about!! From then on, we knew we wanted to do the Lord's will where babies were concerned.

It is true, that when you trust the Lord you are blessed in abundance. Children truly are an heritage of the Lord and happy is the man who's quiver is full of them. I would never change a thing. I have no regrets, nor do I feel I have neglected the ME in myself. Whosoever will find himself will lost it, and whosoever will lose himself shall find it. That's what I did. I put the ME away and tried with all my heart to do as the Lord bid. One thing I am learning as of late, is that not only are we to trust the Lord in blessing our womb, but we are also to trust in Him when He is NOT blessing our womb. When the babies don't come when we would like, or never come again, that too is trust.

My advice to anyone who reads this~Is trust in the Lord, be content where He has placed you and with what He has given you. He is perfect, His will is perfect, and we must accept His will in all things with gladness of heart.

Tricia blogs at: mommyx12 and smith cottage

The 12 Days of a Large Family Christmas

There is a woman who I run into from time to time. She is a Christian. She is an older woman. Every time I see her she asks me if I am pregnant.

The last time we ran into each other, she asked me the usual. And then, in a very concerned tone, she pleaded with me saying, "You're such a beautiful girl. Enjoy your husband. Enjoy your children. Enjoy your life. Don't have anymore children. Once you have so many you don't have any 'me time!'"

She asked me how many children I had already. I told her 3. So, she tried her best to talk some sense into me again saying, "Okay, well let that be it!"

So, in honor of her and all of the other concerned people at the grocery store, the mall, etc, I thought this song would be appropriate.

Enjoy!

The Differences In Girls & Boys

Many are embracing what they believe to be the innate, God-given differences between boys and girls.

Dr. Meg Meeker is a mother of four and a pediatrician who is supporting parents and others who are interested in building a better understanding of those differences.

In her books, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know and Boys Should Be Boys: 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons, Dr. Meeker uses clinical experience and data to present insight into the different needs of girls and boys and how parents can best address those needs.

On Family Life Today, Dr. Meeker spoke more specifically about boys. She explained that she asked the question, “Have they [boys] been victims of a war that has been fought culturally in the United States?” Are they sort of the casualties, in other words, of feminism?


She explains that with the feminist revolution, much of our focus has been put on girls, and boys are feeling marginalized. In fact, our school systems and society in general often devalue authentic "boyness." Boys are being misdiagnosed with learning disabilities, ADHD, and other behavioral and learning deficiencies as a result.

She argues,

....There is a real subtle sense in which we parents dislike boy activity. Boyness! It is not politically correct to let your five year old boy play with a squirt gun, or any kind of a gun, because he will be violent. But, if you allow him to play war-games, if you allow him to have sword fights, if you allow him to jump over couches…… We don’t want wild out of control violent boys! Of course not! But we have gone the other way. We want our boys to sit in classrooms and when the schools get budget cuts, what do they cut? P.E. ! When the boy acts up in class, what do they do? They keep him in from recess. YOU CAN’T DO THAT WITH A BOY! You must get him outside!...

Furthermore, Dr. Meeker suggest that as boys get older they differ in how they bond. Whereas girls tend to bond through talking, boys tend to bond through spending quality time doing physical activities. She says it is vital that boys have a relationship with their father and/or some male role-model from who they can see masculinity in action and then and internalize it.

I found Dr. Meeker's interview very interesting and I agree that there are innate, God-given differences between girls and boys. In fact, the broadcast made me think about what a difference having a father present makes in the lives of sons and daughters and how vital that relationship is! It is so sad that so many of us grow up without that.

As a mom, my prayer is that the Lord will continue to give my husband and I insight and wisdom as we are raising our children, when it comes to their gender-specific needs. I pray he will also help us know when we need to step-up or step-back as they mature and those needs change.

How has your family addressed this?

For The Domestically Challenged Homemaker

Isn't it just beautiful how many christian-homemaker blogs you find online? Sewing, knitting, and crocheting are just a few of the many skills these homemakers employ to make clothes for their family. They get up before dawn to begin the day with prayer before they nurse and cloth diaper their baby. Then its off to begin breakfast for the family. Mind you, this breakfast consist of fresh, organic food grown in their garden and the bread they baked the night before. Not to mention the fact that they have managed to buy all their groceries for under $25.00 a week!

They manage a home that's filled with the aroma fresh baked cookies and the sound of well-behaved children (who share) and are single-handedly homeschooled by their devoted mother. These homemakers enjoy and delight in the cooking, cleaning, and the day to day task; focusing on its eternal purpose and rewards. They are "model" homemakers.

...And then there's the rest of us.

The rest of us, domestically challenged homemakers find the "model" homemakers wonderfully inspirational. However, we just don't get it.

You see, we find much of this cleaning to be...well, tedious and gross. When the clock strikes 3:30pm and we know its time to start dinner, we feel a overwhelming feeling of anxiety. We've tried to set the clock for 5:30am for prayer, but instead we are usually "snatched" out of our sleep by some small person's crying and whining.

We can barely thread a needle. We have "show-downs" with our children EVERYDAY. We love them, but we have to call on the name of the Lord for strength not to react toward some of their actions in a way that might traumatize them.

We secretly miss the office. No, we wouldn't really rather be there; but, at least there our tasks were clear and we were monetarily rewarded after our performance evaluation. We were trained to read, write, network, present, and to "climb the ladder." No one trained us on how to cook, clean, bake, or sew. When we came home, we stepped out of our "element" and left behind those things we once excelled and took pride in.

Nevertheless, we hang in there, striving to embrace our role as homemakers. We too focus on the eternal rewards, knowing that this work is more important than anything we would have ever accomplished at the office. We stick to it, pressing to learn, perfecting our skills and our hearts because we know that this is a sacred calling and we want to please our Lord.

If you are a domestically challenged homemaker, be encouraged! Don't beat yourself up because you feel behind the "model" homemaker! You are blessed because you "fear the Lord and walk in his ways. You will eat the fruit of your hands. You will be happy and it will be well with you" (psalm 128:1-2, NASB).

Your home is cluttered on every side, yet not abandoned; your life chaotic, but not in without purpose. You are tired, but not defeated; domestically challenged, but not without hope!

The Centrality of The Home

Isn't it something when God speaks? I don't believe in coincidences, but that God actually gets into the details of everyday life, speaks to us, and orders our steps (Ps 37, 139, 1 Peter 1:20). I have reason to believe he has done just that for me tonight. Allow me to explain...

After much prayer and discussion with hubby over the issue of parents role in discipling their children, I happen to read and watch Kiara's post, Leaving a Legacy: An Interview with Voddie and Bridget Baucham.

So inspired and intrigued by this Baucham couple, I began to look for more information about them and came across a podcast by Dr. Baucham called The Centrality of The Home. Both hubby and I listened to it, and now...

...I sit here in awe.

Dr. Baucham is speaking on the exact same subject God (right down to exact scripture text) that hubby and I have been discussing! 

I love how God reminds me of how real and active he is in my life!

What's a A Woman to Do?

About three weeks after my wedding day, I began my first full-time job. From the time I started, I began to feel "the pull." After becoming pregnant with my first child, "the pull" became even greater. This "pull" that I am referring to is the way it seemed like my time, energy, and attention was constantly being pulled in so many different directions. Between marriage, work, ministry, friends, family, and a new baby on the way, I wondered how I would ever balance it all!

I had so many different messages in my mind in regards to what my priorities were supposed to be and what decisions were best. As I have grown in these areas and made certain decisions, I realize that many women struggle with "the pull." I have found that for me, the key to having peace and fulfillment in this area is learning more about God's design for a woman's role in the family and learning how to apply that knowledge to my everyday life. 

Chip Ingram, founder and teaching pastor of Living On the Edge offers a MP3 Series entitled: House or Home?: Eight Essentials for Building a Close-Knit Family. Below is a short description of the series as well as two links for a part of the series that deals with God's design for a woman's role in the family. I have listened to these two podcast and have found them to be very inspiring and informative! Check them out!

We all long to be deeply connected with our families. However, for most of us, this longing goes largely unmet and our hearts ache because of it. In this eight part series, Chip takes you step by step through Ephesians 5:21-6:4 and explains what it takes to become a family that is not only close, but has the strength and stability to weather life's storms.

What's a Woman to Do? Part 1

What's a Woman to Do? Part 2

Children or Debt: Which would you prefer?

"The Bible calls debt a curse and children a blessing;

but in our culture, we apply for a curse and reject blessings.

Something is wrong with this picture."

~Doug Phillips

Coming Home Story-Meme

Did you go from this...



to this?:



In her book, The Way Home, Mary Pride writes:

"What can a woman who doesn't have an outside job write down as her occupation? Housewife? The word conjures up a dull creature with her hair in curlers, addicted to soap operas, and possessing barely enough intelligence to wash dishes. Homemaker? That sounds a little better-cheery ineffiency in a frilly apron and high heels. Homemakers are pretty white females who approach housekeeping with zest and enthusiasm-as a hobby. Homemakers are a decorative luxury only a few men can afford...

But to be a "Working wife" is a different story. What do you think of when a woman introduces herself to you as a "working wife?" Smart effiency in a $200 business suit? Paychecks? Prestige? In the battle of words, feminist have mined the harbor. Mrs. Frumpy Housewife can't hold her own against Ms. Savvy Workingwife."

When I was growing up, I thought about being many things: a singer, a lawyer, a psychologist. I even thought of joining that United States Air Force. Never, ever, did I see myself as a housewife! Like, the previous quote by Mary Pride, I saw being a housewife or being a Stay At Home Mom as one of the most degrading jobs for women. I always wanted to be a career woman. This was what I remember being taught to me. I remember comments such as, "You can't depend on a man...get your degree...travel...take care of yourself!" This was what success meant to me: Being a strong, black, educated, independent, woman. A husband, children, and certaintly did not staying at home fit into "my plan."

Oh, but I found that God had other plans! (doesn't he always?). I ended up falling in love with my best friend of whom I believed God confirmed was "the one." We ended up getting married two weeks before our graduation from undergraduate school. God blessed us to concieve our first child eight months after we were married. So, there I was, thinking I was on my way to a doctoral program, when I became faced with this huge, life altering decision to stay home with my baby or not!

To make a long story short, I will tell you that after much fighting, crying, confusion, questioning, reading, praying, counsel etc, etc I decided to give the whole "Stay at Home Mom" thing a try. I began to seek God's mindset on women, marriage, mothering, and homemaking. I began to have a change of heart. I renewed my mind with scriptures such as, "...they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed (Titus 2:4-5) and "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies...She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her" (Proverbs 31:10,27-28). Eventually, I began to have more peace about following my (I believe God-given) desires to be the primary caretaker of my children.

I would be lying if I told you that this was not the MOST difficult job or task I've ever done (including graduating from one of the most academically rigourous universtities in the U.S.) There have been times I would have traded in my mothering and household responsibilities for a 20-page research paper anyday!

Nevertheless, as I have grown, I realize that this work has eternal rewards! God has enrusted little souls to me that will live forever. My job is to take care of them naturally and to train them up in the way they should go, so when they are old they will not turn from it (Proverbs 22:6). I can't fanthom any greater or more important task for God to give me.

Were you a working mom who decided to come home? Or, have you always wanted to be a homemaker?

What's your coming home story? You can write it in the comments section if you don't have a blog.

For those who have a blog: This is my first meme meme ever! Here are the rules:

1)Answer the question: "What's you coming home story?" in a post on your blog.

2)Link your post back to this site.

3)Tag more people by posting their link in your post, and commenting on their blog and/or emailing them to let them know you tagged them.

I tag:

1. KAAH @www.homeschoolblogger.com/kaah
2. Katie @http://everydaylifeofahousewife.wordpress.com/
3. Molly @ http://counterculturalmom.blogspot.com/
4. Victoria @http://homeschoolblogger.com/victoriacarrington/

She came, she saw, she conquered...

...the business of being born.

So you've been wondering where I've been eh? Well, among other things, I've been delivering babies!

On Thursday, June 19, 2008, my friend gave birth(naturally) to her first child! Notice the picture above of the handsome little fella. I had the pleasure of having a front row seat as I played the role of the "doula" during his birth.

I can admit openly (now that its all over) that I was a bit nervous about being in the delivery room with my friend and her husband for the birth of their first child. Although I have given birth to my own two little bundle of joys, neither were without the aid of an epidural. I have only felt contractions without any interventions until about 6cm dilated, so I knew I would have to search for more insight into natural birth if I was going to be of any help to my friend after that point.

Fortunatley, I felt much more prepared after finally viewing the The Business of Being Born documentary in its entirety(everyone should see this!). I prayed and asked God to make me a blessing to the expected parents and interestingly enough, I seemed to have a "knowing" that she would go into labor when she did, and everything I needed to happen to make me feel prepared seemed to have fallen into place by that time. God never ceases to amaze me!

When I arrived at the expected parents home at about 5am Thursday morning, my friend had already been in labor for about 5 hours. The expected dad and I worked to keep her comfy and encouraged for as long as we could at home, but when we begin to notice signs of her being in the transition stage of labor(vomiting, hot/cold flashes, and hicupps), we made our way to the hospital.

Now, I don't know how "normal" this behavior is for someone giving birth naturally, but my friend's goal was to have a birthing experience that felt calm and natural. She didn't want anything to interfere with her expereince that may cause her to feel as though she was in some type of "medical emergency." Hence, she trucked down 3 flights of stairs with no assistance, decided to forgoe the wheel chair they offered her as she came into the hospital, worked her way down a long hallway at 6 and 1/2 cenitmeters dilated to the room she would give birth in, requested a heburn lock instead of IV, and believe it or not, never raised her voice much higher than normal conversation tone. To say the least, the nurses, the midwives, and the hospital staff were amazed at her behavior. Silly me, what was I thinking? I should have tied a cape around her neck and put a gigantic "S" on it so people would not have mistaken her for someone else;)

The expected mom moved from 6 and 1/2 to 10cm dilated in about 3 hours and then it was time to push. At that point, she was very tired and wanted to know when all of this would be over! But, she pressed on with no drugs. After about an hour and a half of some very intense pushing the moment we all had been waiting for finally arrived. There was this little person, with ten little fingers and ten little toes! Both of the parents were elated and I think everyone in the room felt a host of emotions: relief, joy, love, wonderment, and admiration. Afterward, the new mom said her pain was minimal and that although there were times during the labor that she wouldn't have minded the good Lord taking her onto glory, natural birth was: "doable."

The proud mom said that prayer and having so much support really helped her. She found www.birthingnaturally.net to be a great resource. She also saw the Business of Being Born which I think made her and her husband even more determined about having a natural birth and gave them some ideas to make that possible in a hospital setting.

Seeing my friend give natural birth awakened my mind even more to the feasiblilty of it. In addition, I believe that there is something about that challenge that evokes a greater sense of value for the process of birthing and the life that enters the world as healthy as God designed for him/her to be as a result of the hard work done during that process. I'll leave you with these quotes on birth that reflect my sentiments on the the issue at this point:

"We've put birth in the same category with illness and disease and it's never belonged there. Birth is naturally safe, but we've allowed it to be taken over by the medical community."

-Carla Hartley, founder of Trust Birth and the Ancient Art Midwifery Institute

"...experiences have clearly shown that an approach which "de-medicalizes" birth, restores dignity and humanity to the process of childbirth, and returns control to the mother is also the safest approach."

-Michel Odent, MD

"We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong."

-Laura Stavoe Harm

Another friend of mine recently gave birth naturally and you can read her birth story at: www.babynumberthree.wordpress.com
Thanks to her and everyone who commented and shared their natural birth experience in the comments section of my "The Business of Being Born" post!

Do you have an interesting birth story? What helped you during labor and delivery? Please share your experience in the comments section, or type a link.

The Business of Being Born

I have been considering having a natural birth if the Lord should bless me with another child. My thinking has evolved immensley after having two children and three epidurals(yes, three!...I'll get to that...that's another post.)

In the past, I thought women who chose to have natural birth were downright crazy! "Why suffer when the good Lord has blessed us with all this good medicine?" I wondered. However, after some very enlightening conversations, a little research, and watching this trailer, I am wondering if it was never God's intention that we use all of these medical interventions. God made our bodies and it is "natural" for a woman to have a baby, right? However, somehow when I had mine I felt in many ways as if I was an injured car accident victim when I was in labor and delivery. I'm now wondering has "society" and the medical community led us to believe, when it comes to natural birth: we "can't do this" so we don't?

I've heard more than one woman say she recovered faster during the postpartum period after having a natural birth. I have also heard that there is a greater "feeling of accomplishment" and appreciation for the birth process. What has been your experience? Would you consider natural birth? What do you see as the pros and cons?

"The Business of Being Born" explores these questions and more. "Should most births be viewed as a natural life process, or should every delivery be treated as a potentially catastrophic medical emergency?" Want to learn more? Check out www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com