Speaking of Marriage Preparation...

...Bethany at The Apple Cider Mill recently dedicated a post to the following questions:

If you are married, how did you prepare for marriage--or did you? What advice would you give to an engaged or courting couple to help them prepare for married life? If you're engaged or courting, what sort of advice would you like to have as you prepare for marriage?

Bethany lists 10 important issues that one should consider when preparing for marriage. I must say she makes some VERY good points! Read the entire list here.

Ending My Divorce Practice- Courtship Series Part 2

“Modern American dating is no more than glorified divorce practice. Young people are learning how to give themselves away in exclusive, romantic, highly committed (at times sexual) relationships, only to break up and do it all over again. God never intended for His kids to live like this. And instead of stepping in and doing something, many Christian parents simply view these types of relationships as a normal and necessary part of growing up. Unless your child is wiser than Solomon, stronger than Samson, and more godly than David (all of whom sinned sexually), they are susceptible to sexual sin, and these premature relationships serve as open invitations.” (Dr. Voddie Baucham in Family Driven Faith p. 21).

At 18 years old, toward the end of my freshman year of college, I reached the same conclusion that Dr. Baucham describes in the above quote. God had drew me into a closer relationship with him and after receiving the Holy Spirit, I was determined not to go back to my former way of doing things. So, that summer I decided that I was going stop dating. Instead, I would trust God to reveal who my future husband would be in his timing. Essentially, I put an end to my divorce practice, as Dr. Baucham would put it.

Honestly, this was no easy endeavor for me. It meant cutting off former inappropriate ties and relationships, some of which were really strong. In addition, I knew that if I was truly going to guard my heart as commanded in proverbs 4:23, I was also going to have to be diligent in preventing new inappropriate ties and relationships from forming. In efforts to do this, I went to various extremes.

I ended "friendships" with members of the opposite sex that seemed like they had the potential to turn into more. I stopped listening to and watching media that "fed" my desire for romance and companionship. I began to dress more modestly as to not attract ungodly attention from men or to send the wrong message. Instead, I saturated myself with christian music, prayer, and the word of God. God blessed me to maintain emotional and sexual purity and I had never felt closer to Him than I did during that time.

Nevertheless, there were still temptations and sometimes fear that my "waiting on the Lord" for a mate wouldn't prove worthy and I would end up old, alone, or with someone who would make my life miserable. I was also concerned because I was realizing how naive I had been when it came to men. I wondered how I would know when God finally did bring "Mr. Right" along. I had no christian father who was active in my life to cover, teach, or guide me and I didn't know anything about what to look for in a husband.

Nevertheless, James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

I began to seek the Lord for wisdom in this area. I asked him to show me what standards I should hold a potential husband to and just like a father does for his daughter, God began to speak during my prayer and study time. Here are some standards he illuminated to me through the word of God:


Salvation - "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 COR 6:14, NIV).

Are you convinced this person is a born-again Christian? How do you know?

Like-mindedness- "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"(Amos 3;3, KJV)

Are you both of the same mind when it comes to major issues such as salvation, doctrine, sexual purity, priorities, biblical womanhood, manhood, children, ministry etc?

Influence- "Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners"(1 cor 5:33 , KJV).

Does this person have a a positive influence on your life and that of others? Are they the kind of person you can learn from and look up to? Will they cause you to be closer to God or further apart?


Relationship with Parents- "Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness" (Proverbs 20 20).

How does he treat his mother and father? Is he obedient? Respectful? Does he have open communication with them?

Faithfulness- "Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?" (Proverbs 20:6).

Is he consistent in his character? Is he committed and loyal in relationships and business?

Integrity- "The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him" (Proverbs 20:7).

Is he honest? Does he stand up for what's right regardless of the cost? Is he ashamed of Christ and the gospel or does he stand up for it openly?

Soon, I began to feel more confident that not only would God bless me with the one he had for me, but that he had given me some wisdom and standards for what kind of man I should be praying and waiting for.

I've been away from the computer for awhile; however, stay tuned. I am working on Part 3 of the courtship series!

On Courtship- Courtship Series Part 1

Recently, a Virtuous Living reader emailed me. She wrote:

I enjoy your posts and your blog regularly. As a sister in Christ who has traveled the road of singleness/ courting/ marriage I wanted to know if you could offer some advice. There is a guy that is interested in courting me. I have never courted (according to Christian principles) before, and I'm not sure how to proceed. What are some good rules to follow when courting from your perspective? Are there books you recommend? Besides getting to know each other (and seeking God), what should the couple be doing? Any other advice and/ or;, suggestions?

Thanks!

PS- Feel free to post these questions to your blog!

As a christian mom, I desire to gain a better understanding of this area so that I can guide my children when the time comes. In addition, I want to be a blessing to those of you who may have the same and/or similar questions. So, I plan to devote some upcoming post to the subject of Courtship.

Let me begin by saying I am in NO WAY an expert on this subject! In fact, since I have been researching material in this area, I am learning new information that I have never heard before. Though I will share a little about my personal experiences, there are various why I wouldn't say that those experiences entirely align with the biblical model of courtship( I will explain more on this in a future post).

With that, as you read my ideas and experiences on this, please keep in mind that "my approach," to courtship was based on my own unique set of circumstances and the biblical principals I understood and was able to apply at the time. It is not meant to be taken as "doctrine." As I heard a preacher say once, "You can't make a doctrine out of personal experiences!" True doctrine must come from the word of God.

With that said, perhaps you are reading this and actually have alot of biblical teaching/resources in this area. Maybe you are reading this and have many questions you would like to be addressed in this area. Please, feel free to join the upcoming discussion and give your "2 cents!"

Thank God For Great Fathers!

"The United States is becoming an increasingly fatherless society. A generation ago, an American child could reasonably expect to grow up with his or her father. Today, an American child can reasonably expect not to...Fatherlessness is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation."

~David Blankenhorn, in Fatherless America

Blankenhorn's research suggest that fathers have a role in the family that is so significant, all of society benefits when they excel! I pray that God continues to raise up men who will diligently embrace and walk in Fatherhood!

To all of you dad's (especially you hubby:): Happy Father's Day!

Happy 80th Birthday MamaNita!

I'm blogging from my grandmother's home where many party preparations are brewing for her 80th birthday bash tomorrow! We are all so excited!

My grandmother (affectionatley known as MamaNita) is a mother to 3, a grandmother to 10, and a great-grandmother to 13!

Happy Birthday MamaNita!

Tales From The Tub

Our girls bathe together (we save time and water that way). I usually throw some toys in for them to play with while I use that time to get things done around our home.

Normally, I just work and check in on them periodically. However, today I found myself having to make a mad dash back into the bathroom after overhearing this conversation...

Noelle: "Come here Bella."

Bella: (splashes over)

Noelle: "Lift your hands."

Bella: "Okay."

Noelle: "Now I'm going to baptize you, okay?"


I could just see the headlines: "Religious fanatic mother allows daughter to drown younger sister in the name of Jesus!"

I'm in a whirlwind.

This is why my posts have been a bit sporadic. I have a lot to say, just not much time to say it. I'm sure you've been here a time or two yourself, so I trust that you understand;)

Hopefully, the "whirl" will slow down soon so I can get back to the blogoshpere!

In the meantime, perhaps you can might want to get in on the fun their having at the My Husband Rocks Blog Party!

Click on the picture below to find out more about the party and the great giveaways!

Heavenly Hands

I finished Passionate Housewives yesterday! 

Here is one of my favorite quotes from the book:

"Often we don't view our daily activities biblically. We wrongly believe that the more mundane the task, the less significant it is to God. As  difficult as it may be to believe, the hands that tenderly bathe your baby at night are no less holy than the hands that serve you communion on Sunday. Every small act of love to your family-every diaper you change, every meal you prepare, every toilet you scrub, every errand you run, every fever you tend to, each tooth you pull, every moment of undefiled intimacy with your husband-each one is a holy act when it's done as unto the Lord"(p.g 36-37).

It is over...

...and I missed it.

Although Hubby and I enjoyed our anniversary weekend, we missed the 2009 Annual Illinois Christian Home Educators Convention.

Sigh. Not only that, but since we have quite a few friends who did attend, we had to hear all the wonderful details when we got to church on Sunday. Seems as if there were resources, fellowship, and information galore, and we missed it.

I really had to fight back the green-eyed monster as a few of my friends raved about the workshop Stacey McDonald (author of Passionate Housewives Desperate For God) facilitated. From what I hear, she touched on many of the points made in her book. This is the same book I added to My 2009 Book List months ago, and have been anxious to read. The same book I've been "googling" just so I could get some "sneak peaks" into its content before I actually started reading. Yeah, that book. She was there talking about it, and I missed it...Woe is me.

Alas, I'm disappointed that I missed the convention; however, there is a silver lining in my dark cloud! After hearing all of exciting convention details, a friend who just finished Passionate Housewives Desperate For God, passed it along to me!

I'm half-way done and except for the bible, it may just be the best book I've ever read! You can rest assured that you'll be reading more about it here in the near future!;)

The Centrality of The Home

Isn't it something when God speaks? I don't believe in coincidences, but that God actually gets into the details of everyday life, speaks to us, and orders our steps (Ps 37, 139, 1 Peter 1:20). I have reason to believe he has done just that for me tonight. Allow me to explain...

After much prayer and discussion with hubby over the issue of parents role in discipling their children, I happen to read and watch Kiara's post, Leaving a Legacy: An Interview with Voddie and Bridget Baucham.

So inspired and intrigued by this Baucham couple, I began to look for more information about them and came across a podcast by Dr. Baucham called The Centrality of The Home. Both hubby and I listened to it, and now...

...I sit here in awe.

Dr. Baucham is speaking on the exact same subject God (right down to exact scripture text) that hubby and I have been discussing! 

I love how God reminds me of how real and active he is in my life!

...and the two shall become one...

Below is a video of me walking down the aisle at our wedding, 5 years ago today. If you listen closely, Hubby is serenading me in the background. He's singing a song he wrote for me called The Proverbs 31 Woman. I hope you can hear the words.

The past five years have went by rapidly, and I can honestly say they have been very enjoyable. Hubby has been good to me ya'll!

We have been reminiscing on the ways we have grown in the past five years, and we are looking forward to the next five. All I can say is: to God be the glory!

God put us together and has kept us together in peace. We didn't know much about how to me a husband or a wife when we got married, and we still have much growing to do. But, I'll tell you this: God has been everything we needed him to be in this marriage: a way-maker, a mother, a father, a friend, a teacher, a comforter, an encourager, a marriage counselor, and a referee at times!

Well, I'm off to get ready. Hubby took the day off so we could be together, and we have a busy day planned. We want to take all the time we can to enjoy and celebrate, and I do mean celebrate this anniversary!

5 Years of Friendship, 2 Years of Courtship, 5 Years of Marriage, and...

...still going strong! 

Tomorrow hubby and I will be celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary and we are so excited!

Hubby kicked off a little pre-celebrating last Friday, when he came home with everything he could think of that I might like: iced coffee, chocolate, and a bouquet of fresh calla lilies. This was same flower that my bouquet was made up of on our wedding day (nice touch babe;)

I shared with you the story of you how we met in this post. But, I never went into detail about our courtship. Nevertheless, seeing as a friend recently suggested that I blog more on the topic of singleness and courtship, and because I hope this blog will be a source of encouragement for both married and unmarried people, I am working on a post about our courtship story.

For now, here are a few resources that I either found to be helpful during the single/courting season of my life, or that I came across after I was married, but would have found helpful before:

Courtship and Sexual Purity:

I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris

Every Woman's Battle by Shannon Ethridge

Biblical Womanhood and Submission: 

The Other Side of The Garden: Biblical Womanhood For Today's World by Virginia Fugate

The Power of A Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian

Also, Christa Taylor's blog, Empowered Traditionalist is a great site for young women who are single, courting, and concerned with virtuous living. 

Check our her post: What To Do While Single.

Portrait of a Father

Chip Ingram, Founder and Pastor of Living on the Edge teaches an awesome series called, Portrait of a Father.

Hubby and I listened to a portion of the series together and both enjoyed it very much. I think it would make a great Father's Day gift for any special dad in your life!

Here is a short description of the series:

Why are effective fathers so vital to the health of our families and children? Why is it so difficult for men to be effective fathers? In this series, Chip paints the biblical portrait of a father as the leader, priest, teacher and lover of the home.

One part that my husband and I enjoyed in particular, was when Chip made the point that a father is a leader. He goes on to explain that he thought long and hard for a good definition for the word "leader," but after asking for feedback, he realized that men need a very straightforward, easy to remember definition.

So, he says, "Guys, are you ready? This one's for you. Here's what a leader is: He makes things happen!"

We loved it!

You can listen to part of the series here.

(Photo by: Kevygee)

What do you do?

You're at an affair with your husband. You're smiling, mingling, and meeting new people, when someone turns and asks you the question: "What do you do?" 

When I first came home, I dreaded that question. I found myself often apologizing for my decision to stay home or trying to explain that although I didn't work outside the home full-time, I did do some freelance work here and there. I felt that I needed to highlight that in order to be respected.

Thankfully, I have come to embrace the fact that quitting full-time employment in order to pour my energy, talents, and attention into my family and home-life; is as daunting a task as any "well respected" profession we could think of. In fact, it may be even more so because its one that comes without any end time or time off. The rewards are often long term and hard to keep in sight, and society generally does not see it as "legitimate" work.  

At this point, I usually answer the "What do you do?" question by simply saying; "I stay home with my children" or "I'm a Stay at Home Mom."  However, with the many titles being used, it can be difficult to decide which one actually does the job justice. In addition, because of the negative connotations attached to some, there are women who feel more comfortable with certain titles than others.

I've compiled a list of some of the most commonly used titles. Which do you prefer? Why?

Housewife

Homemaker

Homeworker

Stay At Home Mom

Domestic Engineer

Domestic Goddess

Household Manager

Hausfrau

Domestic Artist

Work at Home Mom

Can you think of any I may missed?