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Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Ending My Divorce Practice- Courtship Series Part 2

“Modern American dating is no more than glorified divorce practice. Young people are learning how to give themselves away in exclusive, romantic, highly committed (at times sexual) relationships, only to break up and do it all over again. God never intended for His kids to live like this. And instead of stepping in and doing something, many Christian parents simply view these types of relationships as a normal and necessary part of growing up. Unless your child is wiser than Solomon, stronger than Samson, and more godly than David (all of whom sinned sexually), they are susceptible to sexual sin, and these premature relationships serve as open invitations.” (Dr. Voddie Baucham in Family Driven Faith p. 21).

At 18 years old, toward the end of my freshman year of college, I reached the same conclusion that Dr. Baucham describes in the above quote. God had drew me into a closer relationship with him and after receiving the Holy Spirit, I was determined not to go back to my former way of doing things. So, that summer I decided that I was going stop dating. Instead, I would trust God to reveal who my future husband would be in his timing. Essentially, I put an end to my divorce practice, as Dr. Baucham would put it.

Honestly, this was no easy endeavor for me. It meant cutting off former inappropriate ties and relationships, some of which were really strong. In addition, I knew that if I was truly going to guard my heart as commanded in proverbs 4:23, I was also going to have to be diligent in preventing new inappropriate ties and relationships from forming. In efforts to do this, I went to various extremes.

I ended "friendships" with members of the opposite sex that seemed like they had the potential to turn into more. I stopped listening to and watching media that "fed" my desire for romance and companionship. I began to dress more modestly as to not attract ungodly attention from men or to send the wrong message. Instead, I saturated myself with christian music, prayer, and the word of God. God blessed me to maintain emotional and sexual purity and I had never felt closer to Him than I did during that time.

Nevertheless, there were still temptations and sometimes fear that my "waiting on the Lord" for a mate wouldn't prove worthy and I would end up old, alone, or with someone who would make my life miserable. I was also concerned because I was realizing how naive I had been when it came to men. I wondered how I would know when God finally did bring "Mr. Right" along. I had no christian father who was active in my life to cover, teach, or guide me and I didn't know anything about what to look for in a husband.

Nevertheless, James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

I began to seek the Lord for wisdom in this area. I asked him to show me what standards I should hold a potential husband to and just like a father does for his daughter, God began to speak during my prayer and study time. Here are some standards he illuminated to me through the word of God:

Salvation - "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 COR 6:14, NIV).

Are you convinced this person is a born-again Christian? How do you know?

Like-mindedness- "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"(Amos 3;3, KJV)

Are you both of the same mind when it comes to major issues such as salvation, doctrine, sexual purity, priorities, biblical womanhood, manhood, children, ministry etc?

Influence- "Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners"(1 cor 5:33 , KJV).

Does this person have a a positive influence on your life and that of others? Are they the kind of person you can learn from and look up to? Will they cause you to be closer to God or further apart?

Relationship with Parents- "Whoso curseth his father or his mother, his lamp shall be put out in obscure darkness" (Proverbs 20 20).

How does he treat his mother and father? Is he obedient? Respectful? Does he have open communication with them?

Faithfulness- "Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?" (Proverbs 20:6).

Is he consistent in his character? Is he committed and loyal in relationships and business?

Integrity- "The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him" (Proverbs 20:7).

Is he honest? Does he stand up for what's right regardless of the cost? Is he ashamed of Christ and the gospel or does he stand up for it openly?

Soon, I began to feel more confident that not only would God bless me with the one he had for me, but that he had given me some wisdom and standards for what kind of man I should be praying and waiting for.

I've been away from the computer for awhile; however, stay tuned. I am working on Part 3 of the courtship series!


  1. So, I clearly love this post! I was just sitting here thinking though about how good God is and how He orchestraes everything to work so perfectly. When God gave you these standards to hold your husband to, I know you were excited and thankful to have a Daddy like Jesus who would instruct and guide you. But, it's a blessing to others as well because just like you there's other women who don't have a Godly father to guide them along the courtship process. However, God has enabled you to share the advice He gave you with other women so that they can have a set of Godly standards to hold their future Husband to as well. God is so good! Keep it coming sister, I love this series! :-)

  2. I agree completely. It is wonderful to know others have experienced what I am going through. I pray the Lord continues to use you to edify the body L.H. :-)


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